Early yesterday on (New Year’s eve) I had the pleasure of golfing with my dad and brother. Golf allows for a time of introspection, especially with how many strokes I end up taking, to put it simply...I get my money’s worth. But I was reminded of the beauty of fresh starts during my round today. The front nine went a little rough. Consistent failure, stroke after stroke begins to wear on you. Around hole seven I found myself saying, “I’m ready to get off this front nine and put it behind me.” That is the beauty of golf. Although I carry the score of the front nine with me, the back nine provides an opportunity for me to distance myself from what just happened. And believe me, I was in need of distancing myself from it. Although the back nine didn’t go much better, it was nice to flip the score card over and have a new beginning.
Inevitably, the holidays bring about a time of reflection and introspection as well. For whatever reason when we flip the calendar over people become optimistic about change and a fresh start. New Year resolutions abound, more people will join the gym (I joined a gym on Christmas eve with a similar hope of a new start), more books will be read, healthier food will be eaten. Without doubt this is the season to start over, the season of new beginnings.
One of the most beautiful truths of God is, He is a God of new beginnings. All through scripture you see this taking place. Whether it is in Exodus as God delivers the Israelites out of slavery granting them a new beginning as a people unto themselves, or if it is in John 8 with Jesus saving and forgiving the women caught in adultery. The truth is, wherever you look in scripture God is redeeming, renewing, restoring, and restarting. Most, if not all, of us are in need of God’s offer of a new beginning. If there is anything certain in my life, it is that I will screw up and God will forgive. But, I believe we may have a false understanding of the purpose of these new beginnings. We have a tendency to buy into the lie that the only reason God offers us new beginnings is so we can change into a better person that God will love more.
Yet, maybe the most encouraging aspect of God’s love for us is also the most difficult for us to believe and internalize. Yes God gives us new beginnings, but it doesn’t change the reality that God loves us as we are now. God loves you and likes you just as you are today. He doesn’t love some future version of ourselves that has everything together and our lives in better order. The love of God extends to who you are today, no matter who you are today.
Deep at the core of who I am I have this identity problem of needing people’s approval to find value in myself. Often at the cost of who I am, and what I truly believe I compromise to make others happy. When people like me and speak well of me I find security and value. It seems petty, and frankly it is, but it is apart of my own brokenness. Most would call this being a “people-pleaser,” but I think it is rooted in something much deeper. It is rooted in what I mentioned above, that God only loves a more perfected future version of myself. This year I hope to change this, not to earn God’s love, but instead to understand it better. To find my identity in God alone and to rest in him loving me for who I am. To no longer find my identity in others but in the God who loves me.
My prayer this year is to meditate on the reality of God’s love for me as I am. My prayer is to stop focusing on what I am not and begin focusing on the God who loves who I am.